The moment you’ve dropped to your knees, when your character as a unique piece of art in this world has been tested to breaking point time and time again; is when the essence of the new person is formed. Some liken it to a butterfly appearing from its chrysalis, however I see it being far more brutal than this gentle, fairy tale like description.
Personal battles are just that, a lonely journey of ones self in what feels like against our will. They break the old character down to allow space for the new one capable of mastering the next part of our journey.
For those with the foresight, one can sense something beautiful is being crafted. But it’s hard to find the beauty when you’re forced to submit, when you’re broken, battered and washed out, when you’re down on your knees, with the feeling that there is nowhere left to go. Until finally you give in to the change, you let go of what you once believed was you and accept that you have been unforgivingly chiseled into a more advanced, intelligent and empathetic being.
Multiple times I have gone through what I strain to label ‘gifts’. I can share with you that my last experience of this gift was one that was truly brutal but post transformation I’ve developed into a man of whom I truly love and feel honored to be. I developed an overwhelming sense of feeling, I developed empathy that was so intense that at first, and still now I’m learning how to deal with it. To deal with the way I feel towards others, how much I sense love and understanding all the new feelings I’ve never had before. How extraordinary that what I thought had been my Achilles heel growing up had become my greatest strength.
For every step I took, no matter how hard it was, when I was sure the ground below me would not reveal itself, just when I felt I could not get off my knees someone would help me up, because I was brave enough to put my hand up and say I needed help. I just kept telling myself that this was just for now, it’s a period of life and it’s not permanent. And that’s easier said than done!
The age of self development can be a double edged sword and one must be clear of which area and why they are searching to be better versions of themselves, for if we keep telling ourselves we need to be better, that we need to improve…we may also be telling ourselves indirectly that we are also not good enough as we are. But you are aren’t you? You’re just perfect!
We are saturated with Books, Podcasts, You Tube, Workshops, Social Media Posts & Coaches telling us that all you have to do is meditate, create a strong vision and choose what thoughts you allow to occupy your mind. Yet, If it was only that fucking easy! Days where you feel like a split personality seem endless, where you identify thoughts that aren’t working for you and then replace them with what you believe are better ones. This is a full time job; this in itself is exhausting and takes you away from the present. You can’t force feelings; it’s as simple as that. Its’ near impossible to force yourself to be happy when you’re sad. But what you can do is move towards better feelings. This can be done by choosing activities that make you feel good, that bring you happiness, joy and make you smile; these things change your whole experience internally. And that’s the key; you must work from the inside out. Chase happy moments and activities until one day you catch yourself skipping to the kitchen or whistling your favorite theme song and you think…Holy Shit, I’m happy!
A friend of mine told me one day, after I had seen a beautiful shift in her, that she had simply started to chase Joy. She said, Andrew every time you’re unsure about someone or something ask yourself, does this bring you Joy? Chase that feeling in everything you do. She wrote down 10 things on a piece of paper for me that bought Joy and I simply started doing less of the things that were not making me happy…including being on my laptop and admin! I’m a performer at heart and in the pursuit of being ‘free’ I had got myself tangled up in a laptop lifestyle, of which didn’t offer me the happy activities I required.
I’m truly empathetic to those who are going through the experience of hard change. However, remember each and every day, that a somewhat glorious transformation is happening when your world is falling apart; just when your knees finally hit the floor, when you have what feels like nothing left, a sense of empathy and higher intelligence emerges as your real truth appears right before you, and the mask can be removed.